Dating a widow’s daughter/son.

11 May 2021

The story I have not shared at all on FB.

Two years ago, my daughter allowed a boy to knock on our door and ask permission to take her out.

My close friends know that story well, but what most people don’t know is that I broke down in pieces and for the first time realized, some day, my daughter is going to get married, without her Daddy to give her away.

It hit me very hard for the first time, and I cried without control.

It upsets my children every time I cried, and I tried not to do that to much, especially in front of them.

If you date a widow’s daughter, or son, just please have consideration and grace with a single parent. Apart from the emotions, it was hard to make all the decisions about my amazing daughter’s safety and well being, without a husband to protect us.

We had some adventurous moments, my poor son’s nerves, and thank God for my background as transport broker and driving skills taught by my Dad and brothers.

My son started calling me Bad Ass Widow Chick! My daughter’s school friend’s refered to her, the chick with the rof Ma. I suppose, as single parent you are double trouble, or try to be at least.

So just as I started liking that boy, things didn’t work out and we went through the first heart break. My heart breaked too.

Then cautiously, my daughter found another, very good kid, who I gave an even harder time, than the first boy.

In between everything already going on in my life, I have to deal with the situation that my baby girl are all grown up and as good as out of the house.

I treasure moments when it is just the 3 of us. My teenage son makes it almost impossible to have enjoyable family time. My heart is breaking with the cruelty of life and that I can’t even go back to my Mom and say sorry to her, one more time, for all the hard times I gave her.

How on earth did she survive 5 of us?

I wish I can talk with my Dad, but he is in his own world of grief.

So I just need to accept this phase and season of my life.

Flashback memories from when I met my husband. It really just feel like just the other day, when we we’re young and in love.

This is so painful for us to go through this, without my husband.

Now I have a 3rd child in my car and home. A young man, kind enough to assist us with a broken shower head and helping me when my car was giving problems, driving behind me on the way to the mechanic, in case I have worse car problems. Driving me to the shops to pay my bills and buy groceries.

His parents love my daughter as they’re own and she can experience a loving home with a Father and Mother. Very quickly we learned to share our children.

I am not sure how to get used to the new way of life without my husband, but my amazing girlfriends, with younger kids than mine, are there to give advice and accept this good kid as part of our family now.

I am thankful for my son, one more breath in the house with me, thankful even with all his teenage issues, that he still have time to help me wash the dishes and do the washing and take care of the dogs and give me a hug when I can’t keep back the tears.

I foolishly compare myself to my amazing Mother and feel I hopelessly fail my children, but then, I look at my two children and I just know, whatever they do after leaving home, they will be successful.

If I could have survived it, from scattered, spoilt brat, a dreamer and someone who was believed to be a failure, for sure my children will even achieve more greatness than me.

27 August 2019

Since I can’t sleep....

Thank you God for literally breaking the light switch to prevent me from sleeping.

I am terrified to share what I knew I should have shared a long time ago.

It is not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings. I am actually clueless how do I share, how do I keep my own hurts out of this message that need to be shared.

Last week I went through hell. My close intimate circle of friends knew the ordeal and drama we went through. I am still in shock.

And yet, there are people going through much worse things. Even for me, the drama of life are continuing vigorously.

There are a lot of things happening simultaneously here and I am trying my best to stay afloat.

I have always been an open book, so first off, after my husband’s death, only the happy memories resonated.

It is difficult to explain, but I compared it to childbirth. The inconvenience of 9 months pregnacy and the pain of childbirth quickly dissapear, and in our cases, we experience a beautiful new baby.

Then you go through stages.

For us, things has been dragged out because of a lot of accidents and a lot of drama from people grieving bad. Not only grieving about my husband, but also struggling to deal with the course of events after my Mother’s stroke, two months before my husband passed away.

I still have not processed all and deal with it.

So the one thing I need to get of my chest is that our marriage was not perfect.

At times it was hell. It wasn’t because my husband and me didn’t love each other. We loved each other passionately, and love and hate are very close to each other. Like I was reminded yesterday and last week.

So there are many people who know our story. I have been searching for help at churches mostly for our marriage.

Many people still now apparently have pity with my amazing husband, with a horrible, “bitch of a wife”, I supposedly was to my husband.

So much so, that they feel it they’re duty to still remind my children, who had unfortunately witnessed the often ugly sides of our marriage.

Only God knows the truth.

In the end, when my husband stood up for me, and we moved away from his birth farm, things changed.

There have been many wrong done to me, and it would for sure not be fair to my husband who can’t share his side of the story, to reveal all.

However, this a small town and lots of people talk, and we need to keep our heads high after what we have been through specially since May.

It is really, absolutely not my intention to hurt anyone, but it is not OK for men to just take a girl away from her family.

The Bible specifically say, the man shall leave his parents and cling on his wife.

I am actually to emotional still to share this now. Relationships are extremely difficult.

It is only when you go through the same things with your children, that you understand what your parents went through.

Unfortunately sometimes interfering family members, are the death blow to a new relationship, new marriage, new parents, new young families.

The last thing I want, is to do the same hurt to my children.

However, as widow, with extreme circumstances, I would appreciate some grace and understanding if I am a very over protective parent.

My philosophy has always been that I learn through mistakes and that when something bad happen, that God will let it work out for the good.

There are too much that I need to and that I want to share.

But, life is short.

Get over your issues faster.

Don’t wish bad on marriages.

If you don’t accept that daughter-in-law or sister-in-law, or son-in-law or brothers-in-law, you are hurting your own son or daughter / brother or sister, and future grand children.

In our case, what do people win, to keep on blaming me.

Maybe if they got over they’re issues with me sooner, things could have been different.

Maybe if we we’re friends, and in stead of fighting over who can take care the best of my husband, maybe he could have still be alive.

But my husband said never to ponder on maybe’s. Nothing can bring him back and we need to end this battle.

I have apologized for things I wasn’t guilty of, just to try and keep the peace, in love for my husband. I am willing to do it again, for my children’s sake.

The problem isn’t me....

Yesterday morning, after a very stormy week, before school me and my children read scripture and prayed together, and I released and forgive everyone and prayed for our enemies, even before I saw Francois Le Roux’s heartbreaking FB video of his sister’s tragic death.

In our specific circumstances, two years after my husband’s death, while my mother now are in a battle for her life, REALLY, please, get over the issues you have with me.

Just because I am different, it doesn’t mean I am bad.

Who are you, or anyone, to judge me?

For people to punish my children because they don’t like me or how I am..... seriously, what does that say about you?

My husband wasn’t perfect, neither am I, but we loved each other with our imperfections.

My husband deserved a medal for putting up with me, yes, but he had the power all along to bring out the best in me, and in the end, he was the perfect husband. And I was the perfect, and also submissive wife.

However, what we have been through, still hurt, so much so, that I won’t wish that unto anyone, for sure not to my own children.

It hurt so much that I will never even consider to remarry. No man can ever compare anyway, and the standard my husband set even in the worst of times in our marriage, was extremely high. So I pray my children will remember his example. And expect nothing less.

I also pray only good things over they’re future marriages.

I am still struggling to share what I am being nudged to share. There is an incredible stronghold and attack at the moment, but I am trying to be obedient.

In the end I am a willing instrument to God.

His will will be done.

9 August 2022

Women’s Day

Well…. A LOT has happened since I written the above.

My goodness!!!

My daughter is like my husband. It takes someone very extraordinary to walk beside her and to share her.

All I can do is pray, pray, pray!

I am passionate about marriage, happy marriage.

I unfortunately had no clue what I walk in to when I got married to a widow’s youngest son.

(I am mentally preparing myself for when my son finds a girl he like. I also have full confidence in him that he will follow propper protocol in respect to the girl and her parents.

Regardless of this day and age, I still value old fashioned values. I know my son has gentleman’s code in his DNA. Just like his Dad.

According to my daughter times has changed, so by now, I am confused a bit and really miss my husband’s protection and guidance.)

Good luck to my daughter. She is strong willed and made her own decisions and the only thing I can always cling to is, Rom 8:28.

I will fight for my children always.

Apparently according to them, I can’t play the widow card, the single parent card. I pray for them or everyone, that they never have to experience for themselves how tough it is to be a widow and single parent.

BUT I love them so much, that I will be on my knees for them, as it is different when you date a widow’s daughter or son.

I wish I had more compassion when I dated my husband.

Good luck to my children for this journey.

May we please learn from our past mistakes, for heaven’s sake, may all the hurt of the past be for a good reason.

My wish for my children and for any young love or marriage, is to be blissfully and passionately happy forever!

Don’t even get me started on that topic…!

It’s not about a beautiful wedding or house, but two people becoming one before God.

It is sacred, and I have been praying for my children for very long and will fight for them to be more happy.

One happy marriage influence 10 others positively.

Please be kind to young love, young marriages, young families and overall, be kind to people in all stages.

Speak blessings over marriages, and people and everything!

Never pre-judge! Things change. Sometimes in a wink of an eye.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE CONQUERS ALL FEAR.

So love unconditionally.

2 October 2022

In a wink of an eye, our lives did change now again and it feels like everything is falling apart.

I fought so hard for history to not repeat itself, unfortunately, history did repeat itself.

I feel like a failure and I am working on a blog about Mothers & Daughters, which is very painful and I pray blessing over my children for the same history to not be they’re future story.

It is hard to share these things, and sometimes when I speak with people, they battled through similar ordeals.

I guess what I would have appreciated, was more consideration from the boys who dated my daughter and they’re parents, on how challenging my circumstances was, and still is.

At the same time, I regret now knowing what I know now, when I dated a widow’s son, to have not had more consideration.

There are so many fears, insecurities and it is hard without a man. It is especially hard for me, because I don’t socialize very well over things like braai and rugby and outdoor events.

We are at a cross road now.

I have no choice but to surrender it all to God.

My children, all my dreams, all my hopes, my whole life and everything.

I have to trust in God now more than ever for all things to work together for good, for those who believe.

And I do believe!

I hope you believe to and stand strong in faith too.

Whoever you are reading my blog, may you be blessed with joy and happiness and unconditional love.

Love,

Daisy

PS:

As always, excuse the mistakes. I have OCD, but I am not a perfectionist..

Still a work in progress. (Always & Forever)

Please contact me with any advice on how to improve. :) )

To find out more about Herbalife or our farm guestshouse, send me a message in CONTACT.

DISCLAIMER:

These are my thoughts based on the story and testimonies of my life story, to whom I give God all the glory for. I respect people of all walks of life and all religions. However, I choose to believe and stay grounded in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.