In a blink of an eye…
15 August 2021
4 years ago our lives we’re perfect.
We were looking forward to a Spring dance.
My daughter was about to attend an important artistic gymnastics competition. Working towards S.A.’s.
We had no idea that it was the last 2 weeks with the most coolest human being, we had the privilege to live with, as husband and father.
4 years later, so many things has happened.
Good and bad, bad and good, etc., etc.
Winter scares me.
People getting the flue scares me.
Covid and losing family members terrifies me.
The thought of people starting Spring 2021 without they’re loved ones, pains me with sheer empathy.
I don’t grief my husband anymore, but I grief what we missed out because of Covid and lockdown.
I am anxious for the last Spring with my 18 year old daughter and what the future holds for her next year in a world that will never be the same, in so many ways.
I am angry at myself for worrying unnecessary about the past & future , that I am too paralyzed to enjoy present. Fully realizing that time is running out for us a family of 3 together.
I am only human…..
It has been a tough journey and it feels like time doesn’t heal completely, instead new wounds get added, making more sensitive scars.
New day always break.
Spring always follow winter.
Somehow, someway, humans adapt and move on.
We still have so much to be thankful for.
The painful firsts without my husband will never stop.
My only comfort truly is God.
When I am weak, He carries me.
15 August 2017
(2 weeks before my husband suddenly died)
I am so devided!!!
I just want to do Herbalife ALL the time, but need to finish what I committed to for special, BEAUTIFUL English Rose Lady. The lovely professor leading the archeology team, using our self catering guesthouse as base camp, and talked me over into making dinners for them.
Whole month of which most with group of honours students, 21 for 3 weeks, including 1 vegetarian. :) Thankful for they're compliments on my cooking.
Not sure if they realized it took 2 hours drive on the N2 to get stock from JBay, lots of planning and preparing, then another hour to and back on horrible gravel road, to deliver the food. Everytime I traveled that road this past 2 months, I remember why I started working from home and homeschool.
Yet, so thankful for the opportunity and LOTS and LOTS of Herbalife energy and amazing team of people helping me, including my husband and children. And in between all of this, family emergency AND TransBaviaans. Hectic!!! :)
Blessed life.
15 August 2022
My husband died 10 days after completing his 3rde TransBaviaans.
He got bronchitis which turned into double pneumonia.
I did not expect that he will die then and like that. He was, and will forever be, the strongest man I ever knew.
If ever there would have been a war, I had peace of mind, that he would made it out alive. He had a 6th sense to always knew ahead before something will go wrong. He would not only just survived, he would have been the hero too, saving other people too.
Standing next to his death bed, I had this overwhelming thought:THIS IS REALITY!
There is no do-over or reset button.
I had a sense of whatever issues I had with some people, I need to get over it, forgive and forget and move on.
My whole personality changed.
For very long I was in denial of many things, in away protecting myself from hurting.
Surpressing memories and trying my best to be strong, to stay busy to forget.
Then there was a chain of events that happened this year…..
One thing lead to the other, and by surreal circumstances something happened to trigger my memories.
It’s like one of those Tangled A-Ha moments again.
(Read more about my Tangled A-HA moment in my previous blog:
In a way it was good for me to remember, to break and cry, but the whole situation and timing was just out of my control and it feels like al my plans to finalize my grief up to the 5th death anniversary of my husband’s, are just messed up.
By now I was hoping to clear out more of my husband’s belongings and start Spring fresh and move on.
It is hard to not only remember that last week, and especially last month before my husband passed away the moments after my Mom had her first stroke, but also to have dealt again with lies from the devil, and feeling guilty for them being dead and me still living.
BUT GOD!!!!
He is in control! So I need to trust Him. Everything happens for a reason and will work out for the best.
I had to, and still must, deal with all the lies of the devil. Trying to steal even more from us.
Things feel like it is mess now. I feel like a failure.
Yet, I find myself again persisting with the same commitment as 5 years ago in our guestshouse.
This time, luckily I don’t need to do catering. However, times are challenging now.
We are thankful for the regular support of my husband’s connections.
I still am devided, as I just want to Herbalife full time, but I LOVE doing the guestshouse dream to.
It is very painful to get started to do Herbalife again. I am outdated with all the new and modern things and I need to change and adapt. However, God is busy aligning beautiful people in my life to help me get through this pain. Look out for more blogs to share amazing testimonies.
This 5th winter is hitting me very hard, but….
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
My life is only beginning now again. God are still very gracious and kind with me, and so many other widows, and to many people. There is always hope, when building on God, our rock foundation. Like my pastor’s wife once said at Christian Business Connect meeting:”Do it! Even if you do it scared / afraid.”
Thank you for reading my blog. May it inspire you to appreciate everyday and make the best of it, regardless of your circumstances.
Love,
Daisy
PS:
As always, excuse the mistakes. I have OCD, but I am not a perfectionist..
Still a work in progress. (Always & Forever)
Please contact me with any advice on how to improve. :) )
To find out more about Herbalife or our farm guestshouse, send me a message in CONTACT.
