Time is Precious

20 March 2020

I have a lot of stories to share with you. I started to write a while ago but stopped. I figured it was God’s way of timing and the timing was not right.

I am unsure how to share my story and I am constantly doubting whether what I'm writing is right but I decided there would be no better time than now to start.

My husband believed when it is your time, it is your time. He remains to be one of the most incredible human beings ever. His life was a testimony for Jesus, a man of few words (opposite of me) and a man of his word who acted speedily with integrity. He really lived out his exact purpose.

His death caused a chain of events.

My children had the unfortunate circumstances to see they’re father dead, missing the moment of his death with 5 minutes. Sadly they had to experience my Mom’s illness and death as well. You can try and plan for these tragedies of life, but nothing can prepare you for reality. They say there are stages of grief and mourning, but some people don’t get that luxury. It is different for everyone.

The one thing that Google confirmed happens a lot, is families torn apart after losing a key member of their family.

Nothing could have prepared me for that reality!

My husband used to say, right after someone’s funeral everyone is there for them, but when you need people the most, everyone is gone.

He talked from experience! So let me combine the things I felt I should have shared. Everyone always thought I am this terrible wife to my husband, but low and behold, here I am, still fighting for my husband’s legacy. I provided for myself and for my children. I love my husband forever, but he was not perfect. Neither am I. He hated office work and admin and it was by the grace of God we had things in place, medical aid, insurance and a will, and more!

He really worked hard to pay everything and I was left with such guilt, as I battled with that if we didn’t have those, but set all our faith in God, maybe my husband was still alive.

But then I heard his voice in my head “When it is your time - it is your time.”

God gave you the mental strength to think ahead. I was told, a week after his funeral:” Money runs out and get finished quickly”, and that I can not make any decisions regarding our money. There was so much pressure on me, it exhausted me to try and fight for what I knew is ours!

I am a year behind from where I wanted to be already, as I wanted to move fast like my husband and I understood the need to become independent, with regards to water, electricity and food. Always thinking about when our money will run out - As so many people reminded me harshly about that.

I have learned in this time that it is very hard for a widow. There is often more grace for divorced women and children than I see for widows and their children. We are in a very fortunate position, but my heart goes out to other widows, who I often hear horror stories about the situations in which they were put.

So I want to thank everyone who has supported a widow and fatherless children.

This past week was so difficult for me, not only because of Wits University checking in again at our guesthouse, but the whole Coronavirus situation is very stressful for me. I can’t handle another ICU, ambulance, hospital or doctor anymore! I had enough trauma this past 3 years. So with so many people dying from a cold and many other statistics, I have to ask you - do you have life insurance and a will in place?

Let me tell you, it took 6 months for the insurance to pay out. It was heartbreaking to fill in that forms because we had to move and do Christmas in between, it took extra long. You need to pay the doctors, that let your loved one die, before submitting the form to the insurance company to get the payout for losing the life of a loved one.

TOUGH

Nothing works out as quick as you hope and plan. Anyway, you can never have enough. I urge you to avoid big decisions that 1’st year after losing someone to death. Then the other story about death.....

It’s not final!

You have to be ready. Make your peace. With God and with yourself. I am not even sure if I am ready myself, I am battling with my faith now. But this is what I know, God is real. He answers prayers.

Seek Him as He seeks you.
Cling on to God and Jesus.
God will send help. Just ask Him and trust Him.

Even in something has horrific as death and Coronavirus, God is still in control!