Grief
19 March 2021
Grief.... is not easy. Just when we seem to have made progress, something new emerges.
In the first year of grief, you have this amazing strength and adrenaline to cope. All the firsts hit hard. The second-year is worse!! But you try and keep your head above water and survive on autopilot. The third year, started off better but then as fate would have it, we experienced unprecedented times together with the whole world.
And that hit really HARD. But by the grace of God, we got through it.
We are heading towards the 4th year anniversary of losing our rock in the family.
I don’t grieve my husband anymore, but we grieve the loss of everything that was familiar to us.
Everything died with my husband. Everyone familiar has disappeared. We are not the only ones who experience this. We are not unique. If you google it, apparently this is the norm when someone significant in the family dies.
My children and I try to stay patient, hoping, praying, wishing.
And in the meanwhile, life goes on. You can’t stop the seasons, you can’t stop time. And as a single parent, you quickly learn that time is a luxury.
I no longer keep track of how long I have survived without my amazing husband and my mother - no longer counting the days.
I am counting how long we have been without everything that was familiar to us as a family.
Not sure, if I must just give up, or never stop hoping for some kind of familiarity to come back. However, in my heart, I realize that one thing is sure, and that is: change is constant.
Yet, it is still hard to understand. And what beats me up the MOST, is that you would think, after losing two people in my close circle, that people would treasure life and time together in peace, and make more time for the things that really matter. The things that money can’t buy.
Unconditional love, laughter, honesty, respect, kindness, peace surpasses all understanding.
Whether I keep quiet, or whether I speak up, there is no way to win this fight. Everyone grieves different and at their own pace.
It is not an easy journey. I can only hope we all come to our senses before it is too late.
Nobody knows for certain how many tomorrows we have left.
