A letter to my husband in heaven.
18 June 2022
My liewe man.
Hoe beweeg ek en ons kinders aan, as daar nog steeds so baie mense van jou praat en nog oor jou treur?
My dearest hubby
How on earth must we move on, even after near 5 years since you died, while complete strangers are still talking about the positive effect you had on they’re lives, without even knowing they are talking to one of your close relatives. Just one of those divine moment of time….
You never boasted with how popular you we’re, yet you chose me as your wife. The unpopular overweight girl. Thank you for falling in love with me the way you did, unconditionally.
Most of all, God chose us for each other. When you died, I thought, now finally I can have you for myself….but I was wrong.
You never asked to be the hero, you never asked to be an idol, you just humbly did you’re best. For sure not perfect, but 99.99% close to perfection.
I started to share our story initially, with some sort of subconscious instinct for the people who missed you, and still search for you, to give them a little comfort and also as incredible testimony of the surreal divine interventions, protection and provision we experienced from God. As I always did anyway.
Mostly maybe, I did it for myself too…. to process the horrific shock and trauma of losing you.
How dare you die on me?
Just when I relaxed and stop fearing you will also die young, like your Dad. This was not on my vision board, this was not how we planned our future at all.
I put up a brave fight since you left me in a very complicated, yet still blessed situation.
I am sorry about the Ford Everest. I had to let it go, just as it is. I am sorry for not taking better care of it, like you used to. I am sorry for making so many costly mistakes.
I am sorry for so many things. You deserved so much better from me when you we’re still alive.
The new Rav4 is nice. You would have loved me having that and you the Hilux we also must have now, since you are not there anymore to help me with farm errands with your work bakkie.
For the record, I know you are behind this somehow, finding favor with God and organizing this from heaven. It’s got your signature written all over it. My goodness, this salesman move fast, like seriously, your best pal in Bellville went to go look at it for me today, and I said, well the car has already arrived here!
Tremendous respect to the driver Arthur for driving through the night from Cape Town to Jeffreysbay, and then back through the night!! That guy has skills!! They have a gem in him. Amazing company to work with.
Bit of a challenging morning, they didn’t think and plan like a women would, just acted and got things done. With best of intentions. (I said to my husband’s friend on the phone, just like Bolla lived and did things.) They are busy loading the Everest on a trailer already!!! Also on of those surreal cool moments in time.
Yep, can you imagine all the jokes with a new Toyota Fortuner, pulling an old Ford Everest on a trailer. That’s going to be some interesting talk around the table for Father’s Day. I was willing to meet them halfway, but thank you to all the kind gentlemen going the extra mile to make things more easy for me. Luckily for me, I have a new neighbor, very hard working guy who reminds me a lot of you, being so kind to assist us with where to rent a trailer. Same time as I called my mechanic connection from cell group nearby, also hardworking guy like you. Both refering the only place in Jeffreysbay, https://m.facebook.com/Rays-Trailer-Hire-100536025219336/
You would have loved living in this street with the amazing people here, the beach nearby and the gravel road, where I am certain you must have cycled on.
We miss you. I miss you a lot!
I still search for you in everything. I still try and run away and keep busy to forget. But I need to let go and be obedient to God.
So this is a new beginning, new vehicles, new paint on houses and since I couldn’t wash my hair this morning, I just went for a new, much needed haircut. At the hair salon where we as family always used to cut hair. My Dad went there the other day, and I still had there nr and what on earth was I thinking??? Everything is still the same there, even after 5 years and it was bitter sweet going there, after just leaving someone with our beloved Ford Everest. Bittersweet moment!!
Cutting my hair at old school friend, who’s sister has same name as me and also widow. Just one of those moments in time in my life, that is indescribable, BUT, I actually was more at the right place and right time, than I realized. Story for another day.
I know you are still looking out for us. I know you are watching, I know it and I can feel it and I love you more and more for it. I also know you have forgiven me for all the ugly and bad things. I can not say sorry enough and thank you enough.
I need to move on and focus to survive these unprecedented times we are living in now. I could have really used your survival skills now, but thank you for your amazing DNA still in my body. Your rules and ways still imprinted in my brain forever.
I thank God for the privilege of being your wife, widow and mother of your children.
Love you lots and lots of jelly tots forever!
Daisy
PS: Pearl white Rav4, automatic??? Just about the only Rav4 deal I could get. The automatic reminds me of my Dad, pearl white of my Mom and my love for opals. Kind of feminine touch for me actually. Your Mom will get in much more easy in this car. As always, God’s timing is perfect and He knows best. And I know God will also forgive me, if I imagine you sitting next to Him, finding special favor with Him to still look out for all of us, just like you did while you walked on earth with us.
This song played on the radio as I drove away in the Rav4 and look at our Fortuner and Everest for the last time.
30 May 2013
My life is like a movie with happy ending!
1996 I fall in love with my dream hero and had to wait and fight for 5 years to get married.
1999 my transport broking family business failed and I thought that was bad, but that got me into Herbalife.
2001 I finally got married and 2003 had my firstborn Herbalife babygirl.
My greatest hardship was the battle to feel part of the circle between the hero of my life and his sisters (my sisters-in-law). Almost 12 years married now and I can truly thank God for wonderful relationships restored and an extremely happy life. BUT MOST of all, when I started Herbalife, it was an extra income opportunity. After having the privilege of signing up a new distributor tonight, in a "location" not sure what you call that out of South Africa, but going to bed tonight, knowing there are 2 "previous disadvantaged" people about to uplift there lifestyles; are awesome and even more than that, just to have an impact on changing people's lives and health for the better!
I am part of 3 groups of amazing women, W.A.A. (Women’s Agriculture Association, Women's Mentoring and my very own Herbalife group of awesome ladies. Not all of them are on BB, and how awesome to be part of everybody's lives. Hearing Carina telling met tonight, she is 20kg's down still from when she started Herbalife, I think 4 years ago and really battled bike accidents, bad flue and more drama this 2 weeks before her brother's wedding - what a special feeling!
I am so looking forward to going back to my hometown and tell people more about Herbalife and how to get more healthy and look younger for longer! Can't wait for my 20 year reunion in August too!
All the glory to God for my blessed life!
(18-6-2022: I am struggling to wrap my head around the new virtual Herbalife Nutrtition online world, overall struggling to get up to speed with the virtual world of doing business. Not part of W.A.A anymore, but would love to be apart of it again. Miss doing Herbalife so much, and thankful to finally turn a new page, start a new chapter soon and aim to master all the new things. Despite of losing my husband, my Mom, our beloved Minnie and worked through many challenges, I STILL LOVE GOD, GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR MY BLESSED LIFE!)
30 May 2018
9 Months
3 Seasons
Apart from each other, further and further away from D-Day.
So, 3rd week of regular exercise, trying to friendly compete with the awesome ladies on Challenges. Today was very blessed with one, brand new Herbalife Member from Challenges, visiting us on the farm. Very special young lady, preceded by another special visitor.
For the 1st time, the brave young man who was appointed after my husband's death, to be trained to help out on farm after my husband's death.
They fixed our water again and he enjoyed a cup of coffee 1st time in our kitchen, sitting where my husband also used to sit. Returning 2 of the 4 dishes I made milk tart in last weekend, for all 4 guys, still working very hard. The whole team need spoils for everything they do fo us. I even made banana muffins yesterday for them, but it flopped.
I want to keep up with my husband's legacy to always hand out food to everyone, farm management and farm crew, though from sheer shock, for some reason everything I baked flop. I need to bake in happy vibe, my secret was to stir in lots of love and blessings. Anyway, I will get there again.
And I am thankful for the Tsitsimilk guys still having so much favor for us and looking out for us. Of course I had to share with this young man my husband's secrect, and he very politely drink some Herbalife NRG. No dairy farm manager ever must be without it. Send him away with some Herbalife energy.
It is getting less painful. Although, reality has not hit my completely yet.
So much grace through Herbalife. I am deeply thankful.
Still not 100% myself again, but moving forward for sure, despite so many resistance and obstacles.
MariskaBurger4ever
KobusBurger4everyoung
(18-6-2022: My husband truly are that one unique individual, that is not and never, will be replacible. Nobody walks in his footsteps. My baking and cooking are improving again. Exercise routine is still a battle!)
30 May 2021
A letter to my husband in heaven.
Today it is 45 months since that fateful day you left us behind, alone on this earth in this life.
Monday our car finally broke from me driving it to much to careless. I am sorry, but God knew I needed the rest.
I am thankful that the parts we needed for the Beetle to pass roadworthy, has arrived and it will be a bittersweet moment, to drive around in your precious heritage antique. It is a show stopper, and you would have loved the attention.
I am having a tough time with the kids. We are so broken. Our first born is leaving home soon. She has find a good boy, it is sad for us to go through this without you.
So without transport and our daughter home again, I treasure this Sunday, and rested out, since not being able to drive to the farm this week, I attempted something of a special Sunday dinner.
Beef fillet from the one and only ox we raised after your death. It is our children’s favorite meat, mash patatoes and gravy are they’re favorite too and our daughter also made a perfect white sauce with cheese. Very simple, but this make them happy
I made the desert I made so often for us on Sundays and Saturday braai’s. We had it with ice cream, but my mind is finally recovering, and I could have just as well made my specialty custard.
Dishes is done, Sunday nap and I am picking things up with Herbalife again.
I heard it rained 100mm on the farm! I wish I could have drive out to see how it look, the dam behind your Mom’s house is very full and I hope the water pump is OK.
Last week I finally achieved one of your dreams too, to plant pomegranate trees. I sincerely pray the 7 little trees survive. I planted one here in town and still have one I want to plant in the family graveyard.
Your Mom told me many years ago, there used to be a lot of pomegranate trees on the farm.
We are getting on our feet again after unbelievable crazyness lockdown last year. It was very scary to go through that without you. It is very scary to hear of people still dying of Covid, exactly the way you died.
I wish you could have meet my brother’s two beautiful children. I wish you could have been there when my Mom died to help our whole family get through that better.
But it is what it is, God is in control and even though you are gone, we still are provided for, thanks to you.
I have fought for the best deal and people for your family farm. They truly look after the farm as if it is they’re own. They remind me so much of you, the way to work self with and get things done at amazing speed.
I am fighting for a last view administration things and pray to God by your 4th death anniversary, all will be finalized.
But this winter, whether I can fix our Everest or buy new car, I am going to take of from driving the dirt road. This winter, I am going to rest and try and spend as much possible time with our children, and in the Spring fight further for perfection, to meet the impossible expectations imposed on me.
Looking forward that when the 5th year without you start Spring, that we will experience miracles and grace for the last bit of time with our daughter still in the house, before she leaves.
She is going to be amazing and successful.
Our son will be amazing too and I am pushing for all to be done so that we can enjoy his high school years.
Who knows what the future holds.
We miss you. We are OK and happy.
Love you forever.
Till we meet again.
Mariskaburger4ever
(Co-incidentally planned to make that same chocolate pudding for Father’s Day, even before I knew I am going to finish and publish this blog.)
19 June 2022 Father’s Day
So a lot has happened, after our Ford Everest broke. A lot happened this past 12 months. I can not be completely brutally honest here. But God is looking out for us. I don’t know if it is because of losing so many people to death, or just me getting older, but there is this urgency to get as much of the stories published, as heritage for my children, but also those people who knew Bolla and those who wish they knew him.
I don’t think we are going to reach a point of “balancing the books”, like zero, or reaching the level to have a clean new start. Painting the house, new clothes, furniture, new address, new friends….it is near impossible to get over Bolla and sort out everything, but by the GRACE of GOD, this is not what my husband would have wanted. I think. :) You never knew with him. Real life Tom Cruise, under cover agent, who was more impressive than what I or anyone would fully realize, because he hide it so carefully.
I still feel him, I still sense him and I love him for making me fall in love with his soul more and more. As I am gearing up for a new beginning, and hopefully to run super fast, as fast as possible with the beautiful purpose driven life I feel God wants for me, I can only pray that God will make the impossible possible and to LET GO and LET GOD!
To completely surrender to God, my perfect husband in heaven now.
Love,
Daisy
This song played when I got in the Rav4 for the first time. Symbolically, as if new era, not Algoa FM anymore, but Oasis FM.
PS:
As always, excuse the mistakes. I have OCD, but I am not a perfectionist.
Plus, I am battling still with all the technology.
Still a work in progress. Always.
Please contact me with any advice on how to improve. :) )
To find out more about Herbalife or our farm guestshouse, send me a message in CONTACT.
