Obedience to God.
3 September 2019
OK, this is me, trying as best as I can be obedient to God.
At this point, absolutely moved by the fact, that my fear of God, is far greater than my fear of people.
As apparently, when I share these thoughts and observations, in the process share my life and those connected to me, it cause a lot of criticism and rejection and hurt.
Which is not my intention at all.
There are so many things that wants to get out, and as I close my eyes now, trying to recall what God put in my head to share, this is the 1st thing to pop up.
HEALTH - acknowledge your weaknesses.
My husband was born an asthma baby. Dr Delport saved his life at 3 months old. He’s Mom and sisters we’re very over protective of him.
(That is a whole other topic there!)
Now, when anyone mention something about his health, or rather his illnesses, my husband would verbally denied this and said there is nothing wrong with him.
Which is amazing, as he spoke health over himself.
Yet, as newly married bride of 3 weeks, seeing my husband seriously ill with tick fever annual repeat, he didn’t want to eat, can’t keep medication or Herbalife in, YET, he got up and went to work........
Slept in the spare room with a bucket next to him, as anything he tried to eat or drink, he throw up again.
You can imagine my anxiety!
2:10 got up, through burning fever and night sweats and done a hard day of physical labour till 6 at night.
(And that right there is another topic, or two.)
Yes he was a workaholic and people pleaser, and he was legitimately afraid to take sick leave, and in my opinion, there is no excuse for his employers to have taken advantages of his weaknesses for they’re benefit.
That was my first encounter of how stubborn some men are, refuse to take sick leave legally due to them, in the process setting a wrong example for other men, me and our children.
And I know there unfortunately are people taking advantage of sick leave, BUT no job are that crucial, to sacrifice your life, wanting to be that hero who brag with 0 sick days leave, if they make it to retirement.
Because you are irreplaceable to your family!
Over near 16 years of marriage, this became the pattern, when my husband got ill, he didn’t take sick leave, just carry on working.
None of my pleading him, begging him to take sick leave, made a difference.
That last week he was alive, as I concerningly remark he is getting very thin, he reacted harshly and I let it go, as I was tired of the topic.
At the same time I was working so hard, trying to impress my husband with his love language, which was working hard and provide financially.
He was proud of me. Which moved me to work harder for his approval.
We both we’re trapped by the devil in wrong ways and we missed each other and we missed God’s voice and protection.
After his death my husband left me with the greatest feeling of guilt, that I should have taken better care of him.
I only then understood the severity of how his mother and sisters raised him with an old fashioned neubelizer, on a primus stove!!!
There is a lot of life lessons to learn from the story of our lives, and I suspect many other people are caught in similar situations, attempts of the devil to try and steal from us.
However, that being said, my husband didn’t die from working himself to death that last week, nor from taking a huge risk to do the TransBaviaans within 1 month after recovering from a flue.
It was his time for sure. He got a foreign bacteria, that in the same time as he died, more healthy and young children as him, also died within two days, from a similar bacteria.
My husband put up a brave fight for 3 days. He was strong as an ox, and if he was alive today.... I don’t know what he would say.
When he left his 1st job after 22 years, it was his intention to take more leave to spend with me and our children. He did express some regrets to me, for not spending more time with us, and he tried his absolute best to life full out and spend as much quality time possible with us.
And that is another story there, but to stay on point with health.
Now I have a daughter, who are somewhat sickly, and unlike her father, she is not denying it, but she is also determined to live a fullfilled live, despite her health challenges!
I really pray that God use me as instrument, after 7 years of listening to God to homeschool, with good reason, my daughter forced her own will to go back to school and we are living such a life now, that cause us not to properly pray and hear God’s voice.
We really miss to homeschool and work together as a family.
Even though she is in a Christian school, I am so concerned for her physical health, mental and spiritual health.
At this point I can only put all my faith in God to let all work out for the best.
I pray God give me wisdom to share our experiences this past year so far.
I am sorry (to God first) for going silent, and not share testimonies.
I was kind of frozen till where my daughter came back safe from overseas.
What we been through since then!!!!!
I suppose things could have been worse.
But I thought, let me not delay anymore In sharing these, not sure how to describe it, else then a prompting to share!
Who ever needs to read this.
Healthy body = Healthy mind = Healthy spirit.
Go into God’s rest!
Do your best, choose God’s ways.
I am writing this, lacking in perfecting God’s ways myself still, but absolutely striving to start saying NO more to earthly ways and fight with all I have for eternity!
God first always, in heaven and on earth.
7 September 2019
OK, two days ago, I felt this prompting to share some thoughts regarding HEALTH.
It took A LOT of courage to do it, as I stop sharing these promptings and other happenings, since round about May.
Almost IMMEDIATELY after I overcome my fear, to share something that felt very risky to share, SOMETHING AMAZING happened.
A whatsapp, unfortunately from someone else who had very unfortunate experience, I received an enquiry, that opened doors for me and I literally had to push through strong holds to get the wheels moving.
I went from hopeless, to hopefull.
This is just such an absolute confirmation to me, of the biblical principle to expect a harvest!
What you reap, you shall sow.
So I will wait till I hear from God if I can share the happenings of this past two days of transformation from depressed to joyful.
But it so happen to collide with a possible appointment.
I forgot to follow up, but my intentions was well to maintain one of my husband’s traditions, to bring milk tart to his fishing connections.
I checked if the gate is open, and BRAVED the the road without my husband for the first time, and with 4 children!
Under 10km/hour with vertigo. My nerves!!
I am so proud I’ve done it. Also got some exercise done.
Unfortunately my husband’s connections wasn’t there. Bit dissappointing, but on the other hand, tears might have flow.
It still is very hard for me to see good, strong men, wipe tears out of their eyes, when they see me and my children, without Bolla.
I thank God for the privilege to still be able to come home, and make milktart here, chasing the guestshouse dream and try and give the same to my children, that my husband gave them.
Praying we get out of here and home safe. We kind of forgot all the rules here, and I sincerely don’t want to upset people in thinking I am irresponsible.
But this was a first big fear to overcome, to drive here and also emotional memories to overcome.
Keeping the legacy forever!
10 September 2022
Over the years I have learned to push through fear and discomfort and be obedient to God. Sometimes I am lucky to find out why and those are the times that teach me to trust God, for the good fruit I reap from what I sowed in obedience.
There are times I didn’t obey and one specific time stand out. I recently shared it at church.
That voice I ignored , and that night 2 souls passed away. Someone very significant to me and the whole community.
However, by now I have made my peace that God is in control of who live and die, BUT then again, what if we, me and my daughter was there that day……
And somehow, the people who was there that tragic day, kept intertwining miraculously in our lives?
So by know, you should think I learned my lesson to obey God, but NO! Me, myself and I! My stubborn pride gets in the way.
It for sure is not that easy always.
So I think, when we don’t obey, God’s will still be done, as in heaven, just on earth….
I have learned to relax and trust God.
God’s timing is perfect always.
We can try and plan, but God decide the outcome.
Pray, and pray, and pray without seizing, however always; They will be done, as in heaven, so on earth. Amen.
The constant battle to find balance with our body, mind and soul is real.
The harshness of being a widow and single parent are hitting me very hard this 5th year and I am thankful for our extraordinary children’s help.
We are broken still, but we are trying our best to adapt to the interesting and challenging times we are living in now.
We still have so much to be thankful for and I am thankful to finally get back into some sort of routine, especially to pray more.
Don’t underestimate the power of prayer and the faith of a mustard seed.
Love,
Daisy
PS:
As always, excuse the mistakes. I have OCD, but I am not a perfectionist..
Still a work in progress. (Always & Forever)
Please contact me with any advice on how to improve. :) )
To find out more about Herbalife or our farm guestshouse, send me a message in CONTACT.
DISCLAIMER:
These are my thoughts based on the story and testimonies of my life story, to whom I give God all the glory for. I respect people of all walks of life and all religions. However, I choose to believe and stay grounded in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Post - post script:
As I am publishing this blog today, please don’t think my life is perfect.
It is NOT!! My kids will make a sailor blush and yeah, the signs of 5 years without a man as head of the house, specially our cool superhero, are showing. The effects of grief and trauma are visible.
Whether I am perfect or not, I will still be available as instrument to God and will always testify for HIM!
