Leave it better than you receive it.

20 April 2018

People mourn in different ways.

I lived the past 22 years to work towards my husband's dreams, goals and rules.

(Yes, my husband ruled me!!! I was his willing slave. Everything I earned I willingly and lovingly gave to him. He put a spell on me. Not only me, everyone loved him!)

He said:”Leave something better than you receive it.”

Most worthy, Godly rules with utmost gentleman integrity my beautiful husband set down for me and our children. The perfect provider and protector if anyway possible for a widow’s son. Not a perfect human being, but as close as you will ever get, with the most beautiful humble heart.)

So in shock (apart from improving our house and carrying on with the plans for 1973 Volla restoration), I started "cleaning" up the farm.

Not only to honor my husband, but initially to proof my integrity and worth to my in-laws. (No, I never married my husband for his farm! I walked away from so much more!!)

However, my in-laws pride and gratitude for my farm cleaning attempts, inspired me, to endure with the task I took on, far greater then I realized. Years of neglect, that my workaholic husband never had time to give attention to his own birth farm.

The past 4 months, since being back on this place, where I was hurt emotionally into 9 years of depression; we consistently are having accidents and incidents, and I have learned to be stronger than ever before.

In the beginning, I naively waited for someone like my husband to drive in, and ask, are you and you're kids OK? What are you up to? I would have really appreciate someone with more abilities than me, to give some advice to the worker team I fetched at 6 in the mornings, twice a week.

I tried asking for help, but understand my family's very difficult circumstances too.

It amazed me that NOBODY came to help us, 2 widows and 2 fatherless children. 2nd generation widow in the history of this farm.

Herbalife's exercises DVD has a saying:”Work Smart, not Hard.”

So after 10 000km done in 4 months, car due for service again, and building of Wendy house costly and timely, DEVINE INTERVENTION with caravan accommodation for my crew. Great excitement yesterday to receive 1st one.

I knew when I moved back, winter is coming and then I don't want to get stuck on these roads.

Also, I never used to be a morning person… well, I have changed radically. I wish my husband could see me know.

I am not sure why, but God knew why he put me here.

If I look strong and OK, I am not. My heart are breaking with the loss of losing the greatest man alive (in my opinion). He wasn't perfect and for most part of our marriage, even though he put his family first, we got the least of him. The last 3 months he lived, he was different and the PERFECT HUSBAND to me.

All I wanted, was a hug, appreciation and to look at the stars with him. The free things in life. I never asked of him to work himself to death.

All the times we argued, he used to say, it is never to late to fix things. Well, I don’t know about that. That last week he lived, I looked in the mirror with a big smile of gratitude and thought he made up for all the hurt, I was happy and content then, blissfully and passionately happy wife….

I thought if I die now, I had enough and was content.

I suppose, for him it wasn’t too late, he lived fast, with intention and left me and our children behind, with only the best of memories, setting the bar very high for our children and left us well taken care off. Confident that he trained me and our children, well enough to look out for ourselves without him. I am sure he’s faith in God had him trust God’s decision, to stop his life then. My husband always honored and acknowledge God. When something went wrong, and I blamed myself that I didn’t pray enough, he assured me God doesn’t need me, to do what His will is.

It wasn’t enough. I am curious how things could have been, but I trust God know what is best.

I love my husband and respect his family so much, that I will take responsibility for they're inheritance, till when I hand it over in 13 years, and leave.

People underestimate me completely. All we have, is God's anyway. You can take nothing with to heaven. So I am actually taking care of God's property. BUT I can not wait, to walk away from here one day.

In the meanwhile, I work hard at Herbalife for my own future independence and will work to restore some of the glory of what was on this family farm; from what I understand what was, when my husband's father died 40 years ago.

(Word from the wise, to marry a widow’s youngest son, is not for the feint hearted. I was in way over my head.)

Anyone who don't have compassion for my intentions to honor my husband’s family inheritance, was never a true friend of my husband.

20 April 2017

(memory of when my husband was still alive)

Always thankful to be safe back at home.

Just love my life.

Be careful what you put on your dreamboard, as it just may become reality and demands hard work.

I am tired, after 8 months of Challenges. Never worked so hard before in my life for Herbalife. And it is not about me. This is so much bigger.

More and more I see what an amazing tool it is in God's Hand.

Working with our team, I remember my past struggles. However, I choose to focus on the angels God sent to try and help me. Special women, who took the time to help a stranger, who didn't owe me anything. Most of them I cross paths with, thanks to doing Herbalife.

Hopefully I have the strength to pay it forward. At the moment, really overwhelming, but this too shall pass. One thing I know for sure, God will let everything work out for the best, for those who believe. And I do believe.

12 June 2022

Well, so much have happen.

Lockdown, Covid, now this year started with war and life is unpredictable now more than ever before.

I initially try to copy and paste my past memories, as well as keep record of all the devine moments in time and beautiful testimonies of what could only be God.

BUT it is not easy to be a widow and single parent.

Reality is hitting me hard now.

As real possible reality can be for someone like me who has live in denial for anything bad my whole life. Since childhood I have been a dreamer, and chose to put rosy colored glasses on and with childlike faith in God, always try and see the best in everyone and everything. At the moment I feel empty, yet also overwhelmed!

That first two weeks after my husband suddenly died… so many people all of a sudden entered inside our previous closed and intimate family life. Taking over with best of intentions for funeral arrangements and then we NEVER saw some of them again.

All I wanted to have, was a moment to grieve my beautiful husband. The husband God chosen for me. The jackpot I hit unknowingly. The treasure I never fully realized I had and appreciated enough! My lover, the father of my children, the hero of our story, our whole world then!

I just wanted to remember him, I wanted to feel sorry for him dying young.

But I wasn’t even granted that luxery!

At two weeks I could feel my husband whom I was one with, tear loose out of my body, I could feel the part of him in me, dying and something being ripped out of my cells.

Yet I felt the presence of his soul for a long time and journaled some surreal experiences, which I believe was God sending me comfort.

I am at peace that his death was God’s will. We sacrificed a lot to be on the journey we are on now, and to have crossed paths with beautiful new people in our lives.

However, people hurted us and disappointed us. Especially round about 5 months after my husband’s death. All the men left us! All the men that we know and we’re familiar with.

I only understand know why my husband was the way he was, and it is something with fatherless children. They don’t, and won’t trust, anyone easily at all.

You quickly learn who are your real friends.

A series of moments in time followed after my husband’s death, or rather the sacrifice of his life ending on earth and starting in heaven.

A ripple effect of our lives intertwined with other people, some wanting to take advantage of a widow, and some very well meaning.

I miss my husband and mother, who always told me what to do, who to trust. I can only rely on God, and have this wonderful peace that He is our Provider and Protector.

I hear God’s voice more and more to let Go and let God. To stretch myself forward and leave the past behind me.

To find myself again. Yet, as I am at a crossroad now, I feel tired and I just want to break. I just want to go back to that point of time when this all was fresh and grief my husband propperly and then say goodbye and finish this chapter and be ready for whatever God is up to.

As we are living in different times now, and we need to more than ever now be ready for eternity.

However, on earth now, it is survival of the fittest and grief doesn’t contribute to being the fittest.

My desperate prayer is that the story of our lives and my opinions, are not an instrument for the devil, but an instrument in God’s Hands.

That our story will inspire you to live full out everyday.

Forgive and forget quickly.

Recognition to our beautiful neighbors in town for the photos of the blue VW Beatle’s.

Love,

Daisy

If you want to find our more about the Herbalife Opportunity, or our farm guestshouse journey, contact me for more information.

I am sharing a link of my church, with message that in church that day, reminded me of my husband, telling me that God doesn’t need me or my prayers for his will to be done.

However, daily prayer life and Bible study are very important. As a matter of fact it is crucial!